Lyrics to Nine Inch Nails' song Something I Can Never Have

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

[Chorus:]
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

Come on tell me

[Chorus]

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me

[Chorus]

I just want something I can never have

What would you do?

If we had a chance,
To start over again,
Break down the walls
Would you help me?

Erase the past,
Clear the slate,
To make things anew
Can we find a way?

Just hold my hand
I’ll guide the way
Come out of the shadows
Are you still afraid?

Time is running out,
For us to start again,
Let’s forget the past
Or is it too late to begin?

Quote taken from Neil Gaiman's Sandman...

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.


As the Queen would say..."OFF WITH THEIR HEADS"....

Ode on Melancholy

No, no! Go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kissed
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

She dwells with Beauty -- Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips;
Ay, in the very temple of delight
Veiled Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.

So I'm back...

I have returned! Thank goodness!

Not that I don't like going on vacation. I got sick on vacation. I dont know about y'all but if I'm going to be ill, I prefer to stay home. Between sea sickness, stomach problems, women's problems and allergies, I looked like I was falling apart. For the most part, I tried to make it the best I could. My so-called other half wasnt too thrilled. He was upset. 'Cause I wanted to get sick on my vacation. I deliberately planned this to the tee. Pffft. ::rolls eyes:::

This trip didn't help out at all either. So who know where that relationship is headed to. But most who know me and what our predicament was, knows it was bound to dissolve. We're not the same people who came together. It was bound to happen. :/

I don't know what I want...but that's another story.

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

Ah yes, yes I am...in about, say, 2 1/2 days.

I leave Thursday morning..5:35am to be exact >.< I'm so not looking forward to waking up so damn early to get this flight. However, since I'm heading west, I'll get more time on my hand. I'm off to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada ^.^.

I'm really excited since this is my first time traveling outside of the country. I'm quite nervous actually. Of course, I always get nervous before flying. I have two connecting flights >.< I leave miami at 5 in the morning to Atlanta, GA. Then from there I get another flight to Salt Lake City, UT and if all goes well and I don't miss the next flight, I should make it in Vancouver by noon. Bah. I'll be flying ALL DAY! I've planned out most of the places I'd like to visit while I'm there. Need to add more places here and there. I filled out the travel planner on Yahoo! And this time I hope to follow through with it. The last times I tried using it I never got around to finishing the trip planner ^.^ I should update those trips onto my new profile since I really enjoy the last couple of vacations. At first I wasn't looking forward to leaving. I like taking vacations but the running around gets to me. And as much as I don't want to be at work, I do not like missing from work. But the show must go on.

Here's a link to my trip planner: Vancouver/Alaska Trip 2009

Please feel free to look and let me know what you think. If you've visited before, I'm open to suggestions.

ZZZzzzzz...*gawd I'm exhausted* I have all the things I need to take on my trip and I'm almost done packing my suitcase. I'll try update the travel blog as often as possible if anyone wants to keep up with my adventure ^.^

If you have any travel blogs or stories, please share.

Back to my packing...

Guess who's back, back again...

I've returned! And hopefully for good. :)

It's been quite a while since I last added to my blog, almost 2 months to be exact.

Its been quite exciting these past two months. I fulfilled most of my goals that I had put on my list.

I have been evolving in my spirituality and let me tell you, I'm enjoying every minute of it. I've been socializing with more pagans which was much needed. It seems my perception on just about everything has been amplified. For a long time I've felt that I've been missing a piece of myself and now that I"ve been hanging out with my very fantastical witchy friends, I've become more attuned with myself. When I was younger, I was able to forsee certain things and was more empathic to others feelings. At some point all that disappeared, most probably after my father passed away, but as of late, everything has been amplified. I've removed much of the negativity I was surrounded with and replaced it with positive people. I'm performing more rituals, joining in on full moon gatherings and the other day I went back to the monthly Witch's Meetup.

I've aquired two new tarot decks, one is the Archaeon Deck which is similar to the decks you're familiar with like the Rider-Waite and Robin Wood and I inherited the Thoth Deck by Aleister Crowley. With that, I bought a new book to help me become familiar with the Thoth Deck. I will take that book along with some episodes of the Tarot Connection podcasts with me on my trip.

Yes! You know its that time of year where I fly away to some exotic place. In a week I'll be visiting the Great North West....waaaay North :) More on that to come, back to the subject at hand...

I have been socializing more. I've met many wonderful people and have been getting in touch with those wonderful people that I haven't seen in quite a while. I have also been dancing more, thanks to Jessica and Sally ^.^ LOL.

I'm definately much happier with myself and of course I have been quite spontaneous..slowly but surely I'll be back to my ol' self again.

The first half of the year is almost over and I look forward to the second half, lets see what life has in store for me.